Fashion Forecast: Long skirts, long sleeves, high necklines, high collars

I was walking to the convenience store this afternoon when it hit me. The future of fashion in America.

Well, the first thing that hit me was the sight of a pleasingly plump young lady who appeared to have an uncommonly colorful camisole showing above her lowish neckline. Turned out, it was an elaborate tattoo, from breasts up almost to collarbone. Then I saw a mom bending as she lifted her baby out of the car so they could go to the Welfare office. Nice tattoo, right there a bit off-center, calling attention to her left secondary sexual characteristic. You know: the sort Janet Jackson had a “wardrobe malfunction” over.

Then the real “it” hit me. One by one, each of these young women is going to wake up sober one morning and think “What did I freakin’ do last night? What’s that thing on my chest? Ohmigosh! There’s one on my ankle! And my hip! And a tramp stamp in the small of my back!”

And just like that, unless laser dermatology is better than I think, there’s going to be an outbreak of modesty the likes of which hasn’t been seen in this land for 350 year.

Remember: you heard it here first.